I come from
The windowsill
Fingers laced around the cold window bars
Midnight air dark and thick blue
Sit still
I just fit
Wait
For he
He who will never come
I know it
But still I must wait


I come from
The white room
Black drapes
Stars and moons in silver
Cross my legs suck my thumb
Rock rock rock
Where I sit nights
Writing
Painting pain into words

They were the nights of fear
And the days of apathy
Because
I come from those
Deceptively cool green school lawns
Controlled by the power to reduce
Anything into Nothing
Glory into mediocrity
Genius into stupidity

There were
The girls that smile
And the boys that stare
And the kindness of a red car
Clean and cool and kind
Because you were neither and both
When I walked step by step
Bottle of red wine on the roof of a car
Balancing on a painted white line
Under the half moon of a black sky
Nights of flashing lights
Spinning and spinning into a blur
Merge into the throbbing music
To mirror the pulsating anger and hatred
Drink it down
Drink and dissappear
Swallow
And kill the fear

And run run run
Away
Save me hide me start me again
You did

And then
It was midnight
The pain was back but worse
With panic; escape

And
Its 2am
Its 3am 4am
Because
Time flies time floats
Roll hit and share
Laugh with red eyes
Exhausted on the couch
Burn out and start again
And pretend it's forever

Be still
Now it's morning
My head aches
My memory deserts me
Hang in the hammock
Smoke
Swing swing swing
Look forward
To a rising sun