The I

fear
dark dark fear
gripping steel hand of anxiety
rooted so deeply in my heart
that old familiar place
that i'd rather not visit

but

i am alone
so i will be alone
this lonely view
i share with no-one
complete solitary being

my mind darts like a trapped bird
looking for someone someone
the voice says
there is no-one
only you
so be alone
alone i am

and now
things are so different
unrecognizably so
although not from your unchanging view
but i
i am i
my heart and the voices in my head
are yours no longer
i learned
pain sadness
loneliness faithlessness
sears your heart but wont kill you
if it hasn't got you yet
i learned
fight
hard
but
shhhhh..
quietly
and alone

and so i do
far away from anything familiar to you

almost comical but not
when i contemplate
how little your window is

you have never seen me
my death my salvation
us
the years
our life
our love
our laughter
our secret

to worry you
to pain you
is never my intention
nothing i do
is intended for you
anymore
i am me
i live for myself
act for myself
alone
freed

don't you see
i don't forget
you are there
and
i never ask for anything
if i wanted your help
if i thought it could exist
i'd ask

alone always and to die alone
help who you can
and be who you are
and live for no-one
if you live
let it be for yourself
alone