Monday, February 26, 2007

Close My Eyes



How do I get here every single morning
When my eyes burn so
My head so cloudy
Eyelids close won't open
I lay n bed
Warm
Shut shut the light
The world
Every
One
Shut my sore eyes and don't come back
Plug me in to the music
Please
Give me a week
To be still and dark
The waves in my heart too endless
The lists in my head too endless
Heavy
Aching
Sit
Hear the rain
Music metal and loud
Just sitPlease don't drag me out of here
Let me sit awhile....
Just
So I can breathe
So I don't break....
Into millions of pieces

Monday, February 12, 2007

Norm

I found this picture online- it's round the corner from my house!

My car! My little beat-up white car, I love so dearly.

Me and you through thick and thin.
From way back when I was a passenger... then there was my first trip home with my new baby... I remember how you were patient when I became a new driver- and we became firmly attached. And even more patient when I became an educated driver (chutzpah is a must in Jerusalem) - and then a pregnant driver!

You've really been there for us. Taken us all the way to the Chermon, to Eilat, Caesaria, Ashkelon.... Remember when the clutch gave... but we still made it back on the Tel-Aviv highway at 20km\hour?!
And those day when you were so loud, noisy and smelly, I was embarrassed to be seen with you. And your wonderful quirks and dents- darling front door that is NOT allowed to be locked. Period..... if you ever want to get in through the driver's seat again.
All those stressful parking moments and parking tickets (must be around 57 by now)
Remember when we got you a radio! What a joy! Then a cd connector. And when the discman and all my discs were stolen- an iPod connector.. Glory Be!
Well
I prayed for your speedy recovery- it's so good to have you back! Stay with me- I CANNOT be without you!
You have made my Jerusalem life the chill that it is..
And so today- reunited, we cruised along. Sunshine lighting up the city so vividly.

I drive by the tourists, you can spot them a mile away. And I wonder if they know this place.
The way I do.
To live in the ebb and flow of Jerusalem.
How it's not a vacation, a ten-day trip. Or even a one-year experience. Hotels, taxis, Kotel, Dead Sea and Cafe Rimon... Michal Negrin, maybe Emek Refa'im... That must be some other reality...
But this...
When you know the bank security guard. The parking lot security guard- which saves me getting out of the car to open the trunk so they can check (for bombs?!) The cashiers in the supermarket. The gas attendants. The mechanic. The butcher. The quaintest, most adorable coffee spots, and cocktail spots. The (best and fairest) fruit-sellers in Machane Yehuda. The Newspaper-man. Which tiny arbitrary store sells the freshest "loosies" cigarettes. The beggars who frequent this or that particular corner. The traffis lights that you'll never make and the ones you MUST. The meter maids (try make friends to fend off that 58th ticket!) And the real vacation spots where the tourists won't find you.

The glory of the city that's in its every detail.
We breathe this city's air, we know it's every mood..
It's not always particularly inspirational or spiritual..
But it's landscape marks journeys
Journeys of millions, over thousands of years
It's the city that holds my memories, my journeys
Jerusalem, maybe after all these years
You finally are
My home


Sunday, February 4, 2007

If I Told You


Memories I have are event-less
Rather eight-year-old thoughts
Feelings and silence
The darkness of my bedroom at night
And the state of my young mind.
.That If I could be anyone
I'd be Alanis Morissette

That I spent countless teen-age afternoons
Smoking cigarettes on my roof
And the view of my street from up there
Is still the most beautiful I have ever seen
I have watched my life
Like I'm a ghost, my hands move without me.
My hero might sometimes be Rebbetzin Heller
And alternately indisputably Johnny Depp.
My most favourite character in Tanach
Is Rachav
That I've been diagnosed as BPD, OCD and Depressive
And that happy pills do work
My favourite movie is The Hours
But then again- it might be Mall Rats
I enjoy K'nesher and Shikira equally
Joni Mitchell, Red Hot Chilli Peppers
And every artist in between
I've been described as a constant acid trip
( And don't disagree)

If I told you

There are many many people I love deeply
Though I'm not sure what love is

When I look in the mirror
The love and hate that I feel simultaneously
Is completely overwhelming
That I don't ever recall having
A single honest dream or goal
I feel that I might have
Written a Million Little Pieces myself
That I've written for so many hours
That before I knew it, it was morning
And time for school
That I could never live without

Showering twice daily
And wearing sunglasses regardless of the weather

What would you say if you could sit in my head for a day? How I wish someone would..


Thursday, February 1, 2007

Funny Pic


Isn't this funny?!
Wish you all a great Shabbos and Tu B'Shvat!