My Time

Those Hours. When. You actually feel like you're alive.
Instead of your life living you.
Things are vibrant, dynamic. The world is opportune, beautifully vivid and colourful.
How does it come? And go? How to remember that.. when you barely have to energy to. The sheer dreariness of a sad state. Can I possibly live any other way than this Other-controlled roller coaster carrying me along? To be doomed to dreary colourlessness till a song, a smile, a breath.. a word, rain, or a bit of sun, miraculously emerges me out of my gray box of a mind...

And then.
There is my time. Yoga. Breathe. Bend and fold with grace. With focus. The air is mine. My mind is mine. My body stretching as my mind eases out... Breathe, relax, focus, invigorate.

Take care of yourself, take control of your day. Just for today.
There is no box and there are no boundaries.

Earth

Challenge
My daily companion
It's the pain and struggle
That comes with being me
Being human
In this life against my will-
I am paralyzed, engulfed
I cannot be an active participant
My mind is dark
And racing- constantly
Thoughts and images fly of their own accord
The gravitational pull of my heart
Is almost overpowering
Like a magnet to a dark, endless pit below me
That I must resist, and resist
I struggle to uplift, to emerge
To see light, beauty
Meaning and purpose
In me, in you
In the world, in God
I am a tree
And the earth
I am solid, strong
I am honest and stubborn
My only hope is to direct
My power
Any which way I choose
Gravity pulls me down
Yet only from the Earth can I rise
In my world
Trip called growth
Simply the process of living each day
Drawing the nutrients
Buried deep and invisible
Into my every limb
To flourish, to grow beautiful
To provide shade and fruit
To all who pass me by
The goal, to give

We've Got Annie

Well for those of you who don't know- which is most of you- a play is put on here every year in Jerusalem.. you know, the usual.. a fundraiser for a well-known fertility clinic, run and performed by frum women for frum women bla bla..
This time it was an impressive imitation/ adaptation of the musical Annie!
I must confess I would never usually attend such a performance, I'm kind of nauseated by the inevitable repetitiveness of every one of these shows. but a family member starred- a small role- but nevertheless a big accomplishment- they say it's kind of exclusive (!?)
I would report it as um.. a Beis Yaakov level of professionalism.
In any event, although I may be a little snobbish or critical, or maybe just cultured!, in some ways, I must admit the three American Israeli girls sitting behind me with their formerly American mother put things in perspective for me!
See the performance through their eyes....
For starters they wanted to know, "Uh... what's a hard- knock- life mean?" and then- "Whats NYC?" I am not making this up. It was entertaining! They kept losing the plot, "Who's Ms Hannigan again? And that guy is who? Her brother?" and "What does Mommy (!) Warbucks mean?"
They enjoyed the lights between each scene- multicoloured splats, zigzags, dots, back to splats... a lame attempt at entertainment for the too- long pause between each scene. And soon enough they were humming along with catchy tunes they had never heard before!
I must say Annie was truly lovely- every outfit mimicking exactly those from the musical- and the kids were adorable. And Ms Haniggan- very talented, funny, really!
Would not have hurt to sing the songs one note lower, although the pianist was fabulous. And the dances were great, lively- especially the kids!
Anyway, it was enlightening to see the production through the eyes of other-culture. Most impressive was the fact that these women have kids and busy lives and put a LOT of energy into rehearsals and all that- for no payment- that's for sure. They find the time and energy
to do something expressive and enjoyable for themselves- which is very commendable.
So it was a fun night out after all!

When I Wake Up

Don't want to fall asleep because
I don't want to wake up
Here
This mad quiet scene
My world
I wish to wake up somewhere else
Like a child wishes upon a star
I am tired of this life
It's in's and out's running endlessly through my mind
Stop just stop
Wake me on a summer morning
In a steamy tent in India
In a gorgeous Tuscany villa
Perfect Japanese bedroom
Burned out on an old crack-den couch

Smell of cigarette smoke thick in the air
Wake me in a warm strange man's bed
White and navy beach-side house
Beautiful wooden home on a lake
Somewhere else
Not to my own winter flannel sheets
Not to this city's rain
But to another's
Not to my child's wet bed and soiled pajamas
Not to my man's sleeping face
My house, my kitchen, my endless laundry
Not to my life..please..
The tangible joy and pain I feel
Looking into the face of my child
My swollen belly
My new son letting me know his presence
My husband's concerned eyes
My heart
My constantly beating heart...

Don't want to wake up

Where Do Dreams Go

It was so bright..

Every colour, every shade

In firelight, in rain, in snow

Any place, any time, anywhere

It was a dream of love

Of passion, tears, and joy

Of peace, of silence

A dream to last a lifetime

I held on to it- it gave me life..

Untill, I looked the other way

Or how?

It shattered

My dream

Fantasy

Illusion

What was it

Where has it gone

I see scraps of my shattered painting..

The art of my soul

Raindrops and bright flames

Eyes and hearts so full

Dissipate

I ache I hurt I long

To close my eyes

Blow you into a safe bubble

A perfect swirling multicoloured bubble

Send you someplace simple

Someplace where you can come alive

Unhindered, unaltered

Free

To live